The Psychology of a Malfoy
by Black Aliss
Summary: Malfoy is examined by a psychologist. TBC.
1. Default Chapter

Hey.

:looks guilty: Look, I know I haven't updated Ramblings for what, 2 months. 3 months. But, the people who were supposed to do the chapter haven't sent it. I just want to tell you that I don't think I'll be publishing anything, except maybe one shots for a while. I need time to truly develop a writing style and perhaps edit ROASDM. I would truly appreciate it though if you people would check out my lj: BlackAliss. (If it shows up as a space, that's supposed to be an underscore) I'll post what I'm doing there and tidbits from one-shots, I really need someone to talk to about writing! Please :begs:. Anyway, this is the last you'll hear of me for a while, I'm sorry. I just need…time.

Nia

* * *

' _I_ have a problem. Oh no Monsieur, you are very gravely mistaken. _I_ am not the person with the problem here' the blonde man said haughtily, the aristocratic nose very high in the air. 'It's simply ridiculous, having _me_ under observation. _Me._ Draco Malfoy the III. There is absolutely nothing wrong with me' 

He was lying down, his outer robes discarded lazily over a chair, on a psychologist's leather futon. His shirt was riding up slightly, a sight that many would have enjoyed, but one which Doctor Jameson (P.H.D. in Psychology) would much rather have avoided.

The doctor himself was sitting across from him had a hassled expression and tousled brown hair where the owner had run his hair through it in vague depression.

He had glasses sliding off the bridge of his nose and a clipboard where he was making observational notes, the closest one read: _Ask Britney to order lunch from the Italian place_. He could feel his stomach grumbling, why, oh why, had he agreed to interview Draco Malfoy? The boy had a dangerous reputation for god knew what, although having met him Jameson would have changed the wording slightly.

'Look Draco'

'Master Malfoy, if you please _Mr. Jameson_'

'very well Master Malfoy' Jameson said in frustration, 'But your mother, a very capable and talented- 'Don't you go making a pass at my mother' Draco threatened angrily. His eyes narrowed to slits at the doctor.

'I'm not' the Doctor said firmly, it was true that Narcissa Malfoy _was_ an extremely beautiful women but, he simply could not have handled having this young _man_ as his step son. 'Then, you are insane' concluded her son smugly.

'Master Malfoy, if we could get back on the subject, which happens, not to be, _my_ sanity, but yours'

'Look _Doctor_, I am just fine. I'm in perfect physical shape, at the peak of my form, I'm brilliant, witty, sexy, thoughtful, kind, rich, and generally anything a woman desires' Draco said ticking them off on his hands, 'Really Mr. Jameson, I would be much more worried about you, is it true that you haven't been out on a date for _three_ years?' He asked in disbelief.

Jameson gritted his teeth, it was only as a personal favor to Madame Malfoy that he had reluctantly agreed to doing a mental evaluation on her son. 'I think, Master Malfoy, that that is exactly the problem you are a Narcissist almost as large a one as Narcissus himself'

'What the bloody fuck are you talking about?' Draco asked in confusion, his pale brow wrinkled in genuine incomprehension. 'Whose this poor sod, Nardickus you driveling on about?' He asked.

'_Narcissus_' corrected the Doctor, 'Was a Prince' 'Do go on' said Draco settling back lazily into the examination chair with a slight smirk gracing his features.

'He was undeniably a handsome man and women swooned when he greeted them'

'Uh huh' said Draco, absentmindedly buffing up his nails with the doctors paperweight.

'He was so enchanted with the sound of his own voice that he used to talk all the time just to hear his own voice'

'Idiot' remarked Draco, 'He'd get clergyman's throat that way. Nothing worse for the vocal chords'

'One day he was passing by a pond when he happened to catch sight of his own face in the river. So he thought'

'So he thought, who's this devilishly handsome bloke in front of me that looks exactly like Draco Malfoy and he died of jealousy' Draco theorized speculatively.

'No. In fact, he was so taken with his own reflection that he stayed by the pool his entire life staring at himself until he wasted away'

'Ah, not one of our normal happy fairy tale princes then?'

'No indeed, but that is where the term Narcissist, or Narcissism comes from, it is the term for a person who is dangerously obsessed with themselves to the point that they shove all thoughts of everybody else out of their minds'

'And this is wrong _why_ precisesly?'

'Don't laugh this off Master Malfoy. It is a diagnosable disease and you have it, along with a slight case of paranoia and a strong superiority complex'

'Wow, these galleons are really just adding up, how much would it take for you to give me a clean bill of health?' Draco asked suggestively jangling the galleons in his pocket.

'Master Malfoy!' Jameson was shocked. 'Ah well, I had thought that all men would have their price, but not you apparently'

'Certainly not' said the Doctor affronted. 'Well, what do you want me to do?' Draco drawled lazily.

'I want you to start thinking about others for a change. I want you, upon returning to your job at the Ministry, to ask the first woman you see, who is _not_ romantically entangled to go on a date. It is a wonderful chance to practice your social skills'

'What?' Draco asked incredulously sitting up quickly. 'I hope you realize that that is an impossible request Doctor, I need to marry a beautiful _pureblood_ witch so that I can'

'Make lots of little Draco Malfoys?' The doctor asked dryily, 'I have already spoken to your mother and she seemed quite taken with the idea'

'Damn' Draco said amused, 'Well the fates are against me, very well then Doctor, you have your way. Too da loo' He saluted the doctor and strode out, ask the first girl he saw out. Hell no.

Didn't Eloise Midgen work at the Ministry?

TBC...


	2. Chapter 2

Draco apparated with a pop. His mother was sprawled across a couch reading a book, he plopped down the long stemmed roses he'd brought a peace offering and drew up a chair next to the couch.

She pushed up her glasses and looked at him censoriously 'Well-how did it go' He didn't know _why_ she insisted on wearing muggle things. For gods sakes.

'Eh…ok' He brushed it off, 'But Mother-that moronic psychologist wants me to ask out the first girl I see' He protested heartily.

'So?'

'Ma! I need to marry a beautiful pure blood girl-'

'So you can have little Draco Malfoys' His mother rolled her eyes at the irony of it. 'One of you is more than enough Draco darling, but you _need_ to settle down. Stop playing with your floozies I tell you'

'They are not my _floozies_' He said coldly. 'Fine, they're sexually confused young women and men looking for a bit of fun in the package of my son'

'Much better' He said nodding his head at her amicably. 'You _will_ ask out that young lady Draco' She said glaring at him.

He shrugged, 'And what if I don't want too' her face turned stern 'I'll disinherit you. I don't want a male whore for a son'

Draco stopped in midstep and turned to face his mother shock written in foot high letters on his face. 'You wouldn't'

'Yes I would' She smirked in a disturbingly Slytherin fashion. 'I would Draco, remember that' She nodded.

'Evil bitch' He muttered.

'What was that?' She asked cocking her head. 'Extremely old but still young looking mother who I would shag if I wasn't your son because that would be just wrong' He finished.

'There you go' Narcissa Malfoy said reaching out a hand for a bookmark and slipping it in. 'Now tell me' She wrapped a pale white hand around her son and steered him toward the kitchen. 'How was work?'

Draco ascended the steps of the Ministry annoyance still written on his face. His neat dragon hide bag swinging in a disgruntled fashion against his knees. The sky was bluer than the bluest blue but he wasn't watching.

He _was_ looking apprehensively at the door in nervous expectation.

The great double doors of the Ministry swung open. Draco's stomach clenched.

A brown head-a pudgy face………………………………….

Fudge.

He let out his breath hurriedly the tension mounting again until he saw the person behind the ex. Minister.

Hermione Granger.

Oh shit. Oh shit. Oh shit.


End file.
